Husbands, love your wives Part 1

What this passage says about the role of women is controversial only for those who regard the Bible as authoritative. For the world, this is just laughable. In New Testament times however, what Paul said about the woman’s role would have been quite reasonable, but what he said about the men’s role would have been extremely so and radical. This passage speaks to men more than it does to women. In fact, in the Greek, 115 words written to men whereas only 40 are written to women. The demands placed on men, being called to die for their wives, are far higher.
MANDATE GIVEN TO HUSBANDS
Why should a husband love his wife? What is the rationale behind this command? Loving one’s wife does not seem as hard as it for wives to submit to their husbands. But in reality the command given to men in this passage is very hard to obey. The love spoken of here is not a warm fuzzy feeling in the husband’s stomach—such feelings come and go. Thankfully, God has graciously provided a wonderful reason for why husbands ought to love their wives. The love spoken of here is a particular kind of love. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church—the kind of love that made Him give up His privileges and come to earth in order to go through life for 33 years as a weak human being before willingly dying a torturous and bloody death on a cross. So too husbands have to come down from their self-exalted place of pride—where they shouldn’t have been in the first place—and live a life that is humble and righteous, being willing to take on suffering for the sake of loving their wives. The love that Jesus had was a love for His enemies. (For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. . . For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son . . . Rom 5:6,10). The husband must love his wife, in those moments of tension, even when the wife feels like an enemy. The word used for ‘love’ is Agape in the Greek. Paul could have used other words such as Eros (sexual love and passion, although the word of God would call for godly Eros in the marriage) or Phileo (friendship and comradarie, although husbands and wives should have a deep friendship). Here Paul used the word Agape, which was an uncommon word to use in connection to love. It refers to a sacrificial, selfless love. Eros and Phileo loves have a mutual give-and-take aspect, but Agape is unconditional, one-sided and not earned. The very concept is foreign to the Greek mindset, where it would be noble to set one’s affections on a deserving object. When we set our affections on God, we we do not give Him Agape love, for He is worthy of our praise, worship and love. Irrespective of whether the wife is lovely to you at a given moment, you have to show Agape love, the love for the unlovely. This was how Jesus loved us when we were most undeserving of it. So this word Agape is a word that Christians use a lot, and it is the only kind of love that can work when husbands and wives become enemies, because Eros and Phileo are simply not there. It is the only kind of love that can save a marriage from divorce. This is the love that won us to Christ.
MEANING BEHIND THE MANDATE
What is the cosmic purpose behind the mandate given to husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church? The main reason is not to have healthy marriages. Vs 32 gives us the reason. (This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church). This statement is the culmination of everything that is in the Bible. Before the foundation of the world, a particular people described as the Bride were chosen in Him. The whole story of the Bible is about God seeking out the Bride, who was chosen before the foundation of the world, and preparing her for the wedding day. We see Jesus allude to it in Mark 2:19-20 (And Jesus said to them, “Can the wedding guests fast while the bridegroom is with them? As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast. The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast in that day.) and so does John the Baptist in John 3:29 (The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete). When Jesus comes again, the wait for the heavenly wedding will be over. Rev 19:7 (Let us rejoice and exult / and give him the glory, / for the marriage of the Lamb has come, / and his Bride has made herself ready)
Apart from illustrating the cosmic reality of the gathering together of the Bride of Christ, the mandate also includes the husband’s imitation of Christ. Notice the pronouns HER and SHE used of the church in Vs 25-27 (Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for HER, that he might sanctify HER, having cleansed HER by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that SHE might be holy and without blemish.)
Thus marriage is a profound mystery, where husbands and wives illustrate what Jesus did to the watching world, whereby the gospel is being declared. Marriage is far more than happiness within the marriage. The basic reason for marriage is a gospel reason—to display the grand story of what Jesus has done for the church. That is why husbands should take loving and dying for their wives so seriously.
FIVE IMPLICATIONS if marriage is primarily about displaying gospel unity between Christ and the church.
1. Marriage is far more than being about personal happiness and personal fulfillment. Rather, it is about demonstrating gospel reality.
2. Pursuing personal happiness and personal fulfillment are not bad goals. In fact, they should pursue these even more. The fact that they are displaying gospel union between Christ and the church should be an added motivation to pursue peace, joy, harmony, grace, forgiveness, love, unity, and fellowship in the marriage.
3. The nature of the happiness they are to pursue in marriage is in the playing out of their respective roles—husbands leading wives and wives submitting to husbands. They should not find pleasure in other shared interests, while holding on to these Ephesians-5 commands of submission and love simply as a burden. Instead they must enjoy their marriage through those roles.
4. The husband’s obligation in marriage, to bring about unity and display the gospel, is more than the wife’s. When there is a sacrifice is needed in the marriage, it has to be the husband’s. He is the one who dies.
5. Married or single, we all have a stake in marriage. Everyone, whether married or single, should be concerned, when marriage is redefined by the world. Everyone, whether married or single, should pray that the marriages in our midst proclaim the gospel to the watching world.
Next week, we will look at MARKINGS OF THE MANDATE.