Husbands, love your wives Part 2

[Eph 5: 25-33 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.]
The modern term ‘benevolent sexism’ refers to well-intentioned injustice because of gender. This is a worldly term, and examples of benevolent sexism are: Men opening doors for women, giving up their seat for women, and paying for a meal during a date out. These things are looked down upon because it is supposed that men, thinking they are superior, would only do these things only out of pity for the woman. This is why we must make the word of God our moral compass and not world. The world makes God’s law seem unreasonable and ugly, instead of the beauty and joy that it truly is. This passage, Eph 5:25-33, far from adding insult to injury for women is actually medicine to place on the wound of sin. It in fact begins to reverse the curse.
In Part 1, we saw the mandate given to husbands in marriage and that the kind of love that the husband ought to show to his wife is Agape love, which is the same love that God showed to us. We also saw the meaning of that mandate, that it is an illustration of the grand design of marriage between Christ and His church.
This week we will look at the markings of husbandly love patterned after Christ’s love for His bride. Because He has achieved these markings on our behalf, husbands can have the motivation and hope of achieving them on behalf of their wives, although not perfectly.
Marking #1: GOSPEL MOTIVATED. The husband’s love has to be motivated by Christ, because marriage itself is an illustration of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the church. If Christ is not the motivation, when conflicts pile up over the years, it will not hold up. All other motivations, and there are many good motivations, have significant limits. Marriage vows can motivate, but they are only as strong as the resolve of the person making them. Similarly, other motivations such as the desire for a healthy marriage, desire for joy and peace, general the loveliness of the wife, church accountability, and personal joy and fulfillment, they are all limited in one way or other. Our children can be a motivation and the desire that they have a safe and secure environment to grow up in, but then the time comes when the children leave the nest. Thus, all these motivations have significant limitations. God used the gospel to move our hearts from animosity to worship. Emulating His loving patience and His sacrifice is what will make the marriage hold. Christ does not ask anything of us that He has done for us a thousand fold. Husbands and wives, living as they are in the reality that illustrates the gospel, are in a unique position to understand the gospel.
Marking #2: UNCONDITIONAL: While adultery and physical abuse can end a marriage, nothing can end the marriage between Christ and the church. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ even though we regularly commit spiritual ‘adultery’ against Christ. The husband’s love must take after the unconditional love of the Lord and ought not to be conditional on the behaviour, appearance, contribution or anything else in the person of the wife. The husband’s love must be given simply in virtue of the fact that he is married to his wife, even when there is animosity, remembering that we were rebels and enemies before the Lord won us over to Him.
Marking #3: PERSEVERING: The husband’s love is longlasting. Men can be a big heroes for a short time, when in fact they have to be small heroes for the rest of their lives. Where would we be without the persevering love of Christ. [Phil 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.] [Heb1:1-2 Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world.] [1Thess 5:23-24 Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.] Every time we go astray, the Lord always leaves the 99 and brings us back. Agape loves is an enduring love. [1Cor 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.]
Marking #4: HUMBLE: There is no place for pride in the husband’s love. Jesus had every reason to be high and lifted up. But He gave it all up. [Phil 2:8 He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross] The husband must follow this example in his service even to the point of death.
Marking #5: SACRIFICIAL: This is the heart of the gospel. This defining aspect of Christ’s love should be the defining aspect of the husband’s love. The husband’s authority is not given so that the wife dies for the husband but so that the husband can arrange things in such a way that he dies. We are not usually referring to physical death, but to dying to his own needs so that she is looked after. It is not enough just to protect her and provide a roof over her head. Rather, the husband is called to provide and protect her emotionally, socially psychologically and spiritually. Jesus did this a thousand fold but the husband must endevour to follow this example.
Marking #6: GRACIOUS Rom 8:1 Jesus died by suffering under the weight of our sin so as to render it of no effect. The two thieves on either side of Jesus were mocking Him and storing up wrath. One was storing up wrath for himself but the wrath the other incurred was at that very moment being absorbed by the Saviour who was experiencing the pain of its effects. When the wife sins and and irritates the husband (whether in reality or whether perceived) in that moment, the husband must be gracious, absorb it, and make it of no consequence. (Wives have that same obligation because Christ has done this for them.)
Marking #7: SANCTIFYING [Eph 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.] Jesus not only justified His bride but also entered into a partnership with her to sanctify her and present her holy. Husbands do not have the ability to sanctify anyone, just as they cannot die an atoning death. But husbands must take an active interest in the spiritual growth and sanctification of their wives. Application—Husbands should make sure that wives have the time, opportunity, and mental energy for spiritual things. It is never OK to sacrifice the spiritual well being of one’s wife to progress financially and in other ways.
Marking #8: INDIRECTLY SELF-SERVING: Vs 28ff
In Genesis 3, we saw that the husband and wife are in competition with each other in the marriage after the curse. But in Ephesians 5, we see a complementary relationship described between the husband and wife. This is not a picture of two people coming together and jostling with one another to see who can get on top, but rather to see who can get to the bottom so as to bump the other person up to the top. Ultimately, no one loses. When the wife progresses intellectually and academically, it will indirectly benefit the husband. Similarly the wife’s emotional and spiritual progress will benefit the husband. It is this way even with Christ’s love for us, which ensures that we will be presented to Him without spot or wrinkle. We were part of the joy that was set before Christ when He went to the cross. Jesus could look ahead to the time when He would present the church to Himself. [Heb12:2 . . . who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross . . .]
Husbands may you see your wife as a joy that is set before you, and may you endure whatever hardship necessary in order to love her, as Christ loved the church. May you use your authority over her to love her in a way that dies for her, grows her, and gains for you, that the marriage may grow and gain. And if you are at a stage where you do not have the spiritual strength to do these things, then make Christ Himself the joy set before you, that you may sacrifice for Him and because of Him, and may He be the motivation for your joyful sacrifice for your wife’s sake, that you may please Him, submit to him, glorify Him, follow Him, illustrate Him, and be motivated by Him in your love for your wife.