Wives, submit to your own husbands Part 2

Ephesians 5:21-24 “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
We used the terms EGALITARIANISM AND COMPLEMENTARIANISM. Just to clarify the meaning of these terms, they are two different ways people understand the roles of men and women in the marriage and in the church. Historically, the position held by the church universal from the beginning has been Complementarianism; it is only in the last 50 years or so that this is being challenged because of the rise of feminism.
EGALITARIANISM is to treat both men and women the same in every respect—including role and authority.
COMPLEMENTARIANISM is to to treat both men and women the same when it comes to things like human value, dignity, importance, status within Christ, and inheritance in the Kingdom of Christ—but believing that the role and authority of men and woman in the marriage and in the church complement each other. We hold very strongly that this is what scripture teaches.
Last week, we took a step back to look at the context and Biblical perspective upon which this passage rests. Today we will look at the text in more detail.
WHAT SUBMISSION MEANS
Paul is not specifically targeting women in vs 21 (submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ), where it applies universally to everybody in the church. Grammatically, it is the end of the paragraph about what happens when we are filled with the Spirit. We sing, we give thanks in Jesus’ name, and we SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER. Theologically and thematically, it forms a launching pad for what Paul is about to say regarding the various ways in which members submit to one another—whether they be husbands, children, parents, slaves, or masters.
In Vs 22 (Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord), Paul addresses wives specifically. He is very clear about what the wife is being called to do. He spells it out clearly in Vs 22-24 (Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands). Wives are to obey the husband. This is what it means. The word ‘head’ is used here and elsewhere to refer to authority, and this was how the early church understood it. Vs 33 also ends with: “wives are to fear and respect their own husbands.”
WHAT SUBMISSION DOES NOT MEAN
1. Submission does not mean that a husband should force his will on his wife. This instruction is to wives and not to husbands. Wives are to voluntarily submit to the husband.
2. Submission does not mean that the wife do things sinful or harmful or outside the will of God. In such a situation, it is the obligation of the wife to respectively resist. This is especially true when a believing wife is married to an unbeliever. For example, if the husband stops her from going to church. At this stage, the wife is called to submit to God and not to the husband. If the husband will allow her to take the children, she should take them, and if he does not allow the children to go, then she should go alone.
3. Submission does not mean that a wife should do things that enable her husband to sin. For example, the wife does not have to agree to be the designated sober driver, or cook unhealthy food for a husband. Wives are not called to be a servants but helpers. She is to help with various things that better her husband and family. She has to help him become more like Jesus.
4. Submission does not mean that a wife stops having her own mind and her own will. Silent submissive servitude is not what is being asked. She is to be thoughtful, bringing initiative and skills for the benefit of the family.
5. Submission does not mean that a wife should put up with harm to herself or children. Serious, ongoing physical and psychological abuse is grounds for divorce; sexual immorality is not necessary in such a case. According to 1 Cor 7:13,15, the key assumption is that the unbeliever is willing to live at peace with the believer. When the unbeliever starts to act in a way that intentionally destroys that peace, he breaches that agreement within the marriage, and then it can be understood that a separation has taken place and on that basis a divorce may be sought. Although this passage speaks about unbelieving spouses, the principle would also apply to an abusive spouse who professes faith, because when the procedure laid out by Jesus in Matt 18:15-17 is followed, such a person would become “as a Gentile and a tax collector,” and in this case 1 Cor 7:15 would then apply. The majority of Reformed people today would agree with this, although some think differently.
HOW SUBMISSION WORKS PRACTICALLY WITHIN A MARRIAGE
Within a HEALTHY MARRIAGE (where the wife prefers her husband’s will over her own, and the husband prefers the wife’s needs over his own) when a decision has to be made and the wife expresses her opinion, 1. He could agree with his wife. 2. He could disagree with his wife and decide to take an alternate route, if he thinks this is the best for the wife and the family, and the wife joyfully submits. 3. He could delegate authority to the wife in a particular area. Husbands do not have to micromanage everything. However, delegation is not abdication, and the husband is still responsible. (In Genesis 3:9, the Lord called out to the man first, although it was the woman who sinned first. Again in Romans 5:12, we read that sin came into the world through one man. So Adam, who was the head of that family and the representative head of all mankind, was held primarily responsible.
Within an UNHEALTHY marriage (with no serious issues of physical/psychological abuse), the wife is called to submission even if the husband is not loving or even a Christian. She is not to submit because he is respectable but because he is her husband.The command is not “if he plays his part, then you submit.” (In the same way the husband is not to love his wife because she is lovable but because she is his wife.) This may be the one thing that brings the unbelieving husband to the Lord, as it says in 1 Peter 3:1. God gives wives in such a situation something unique to do. Through the route of godly wifely submission, they may spiritually save/grow their husbands. Interestingly, this is the only place where the Bible speaks of winning the husband without a word. It is not that the gospel does not need to be preached in the marriage, but it is interesting that God’s grace may well flow into the life of the husband through the wife’s submission. Christ is the example of submission, and He continues to labour for the salvation of His sinful spouse—us. The relationship between Christ and the church is not a healthy marriage, with only Christ doing His side correctly. With this encouragement, may wives in unhealthy marriages also labour with their sinful spouse.
What does it mean for the wife to submit AS TO THE LORD? This does not mean that she must treat her husband as if he is Jesus. She must recognise that she submits as an act of service to Christ, out of reverence to Christ. In that way she may bring the grace of God to the husband as his helper, and bring him to faith and closer to God. This is a great reason to submit.